Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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