he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
