the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
