I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
