I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i out mim tonsoeep
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