Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
