i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
