I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
