After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
