we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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