He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
