Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
