Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
