it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
