Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
