How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
