She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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