cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
