dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
