This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
