Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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