Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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