im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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