I think my fart just growled at me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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