I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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