When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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