I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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