WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
