Whod you bang
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
