woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
