So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i've created a new STD.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
