Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
