Im at strip club and am horny
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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