I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
