Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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