Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
