Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
