Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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