Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
