What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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