I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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