do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
