You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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