i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
