ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
