I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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