There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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