So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
