I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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