do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
