you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
