Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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