had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
