Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
