I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
