What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
