Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
