Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
