dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
