Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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