conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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