College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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