i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
