1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
