woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
