Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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