Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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