So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
