Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
