I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have tasted many bathrooms
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
