I just threw up on my dentist
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
