Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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