we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize