just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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