Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
