I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
