omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
