what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
