Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
