we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
